In a stronger effort to give applications the trial they deserve, I have uninstalled my old standbys.

paludis --uninstall vim; paludis --install diakonos gedit

I am looking for something between nano and vim with the suckless philosophy

This was a much easier switch.

The only problem was nss reporting all certificates as revoked, but that was a clock issue, fixed with the following commands:

echo "TZ=\"America\/New_York\" >> /etc/env.d/00basic
sudo eclectic env update
hwclock --systohc # dual boot with bad OS means clock is set to local

It was actually chromium's strictness denying access to sites with revoked certificates that forced me to fix my clock. FYI firefox doesn't have this bug because they work around it.